this week starts my new schedule and it will stand for the next three months. 10-pm to 7am. night shift na naman. but it's okay, at least i have saturday and sunday as my rest days. great. i have my weekends back. the only sad thing about that is i'll again be wearing the business casual attire four days a week. i hate it especially nowadays that it's been raining and whenever i'm caught in heels when it does.

"here comes the rain again..."

makes people think and contemplate. and that includes me...

these past few days, i've been thinking of getting out of convergys. yes, quitting. i so want to submit my resignation letter to my TL and find a writting job. am i still having fun at convergys? yes. i so love the people there. especially my wavemates and teammates. and i still love what i'm doing. i have no problems with my present job but the thing is i want to write. and i want to be really good at it. and that needs practice. meaning, a writing job.

thinking about this makes me sad. and i don't want to be sad. i want to be happy. every single time. enrico once told us that happiness is a state of mind. and i've been following that mantra ever since CCT. and it works for me. i am happy with my present job and i am enjoying myself. it's times like these that make me sad. gawd.

my contract with cvg is good until january which means eventhough i find a writing job before january, i still won't be able to accept it. so i guess i should stop thinking too much and start dealing with this in december.

december. gawd. don't even get me started with december...i am so gonna have a long entry in decemer when the thing that i so want to happen won't happen. i'll just have to sit and wait for now.

last night's dinner with the catalan gurls was so fun.

it's always, always nice to see and talk with people who knows you very well and have lived with you for the most part of your college life.

how could i have ever survived elbi without them?

it seems that they know me better than i know myself. talking with them feels like knowing or being reminded of who i am. not that i tend to forget or something but more of like having this "ay-ganon-pala-ko" realization. and it's really amazing.

i love them.

yang and i talked over yosi and, my, how i missed our talks. it brought this calming, familiar feeling. reminded me of the times that we would still be up at 4am, talking about nothing and everything (with trixie and izza). kind of like having this long session of therapy only that it doesn't cost you a centavo.

ate lani is very amusing. she still has this "anong-nangyayari-sa-paligid-ko?" aura. she also reminded me of this one time when i came home really drunk (read: BASAG!) and i kept them all awake. one put a basin (for the...you know) beside me. another one brought down the cushion from my bed (they made me sleep downstairs cause they say i was having a really hard time going up). another one handed me a wet towel. basta, everyone took care of me. and trixie had the hardest time cause she almost carried me from ic's to catalan. and ate lani was telling me that trixie was dead tired ("awang-awa nga kami sa kanya e.") when we got home. and that made them more nervous when they opened the door cause they thought something happened. haha.

ago started the talk on their thesis chronicles. how everyone helped ate magie with her thesis. how he cried and got frustrated with his. how ate lani cried and got frustrated with hers. and how they both got best thesis awards.

and ate tryx. ate tryx, the first person ever in my circle of friends who waved her hand and showed this glistening thing on it when asked how she was doing. oh my gawd, that felt like a scene from a movie. and i snapped all of us out of it by saying with conviction, "wag ka muna papakasal!!!". i think i said that two or three more times the whole night. i was happy for her. really. you can see it on her face how she is so willing to walk that aisle with efren. but the thing is, i don't ever want to go to a good friend's wedding without a boyfriend. i just don't want to.

oh well. but i don't think i can ignore an invitation, can i? so i guess i'll go to ate tryx's wedding, without a boyfriend, and mix the tears of happiness with the tears of, well, sadness thinking how much of a loser i am. sigh.

oops. stop. this should be a happy entry. lalala. i'm happy i saw my housemates. and i'm glad cause i feel like we're going to eat out regularly. yehey! and they're so nice they'll be scheduling it every tuesday so that i'll have no uber early shift the day after.

i love them.

tomorrow, i'll be 22. 22. gawd. really? i wasn't even aware i turned 20. oh well.

by tomorrow, i'll be having less of the license to act stupid. i'll be a full-fledged, freakin' adult. no matter how much i refuse to accept it.

it makes me frustrated to think so. i've been living on earth for more than two decades and i feel like i haven't achieved anything...

anything that made me contented and proud of myself, that is.

everything that i have gone through--every experience, every emotion--seems fleeting.

it would seem happy and fulfilling at first but after all the hype, everything would go away and would leave me feeling more empty.

oh. it sucks. big time.

and this is what i hate in being an adult--it makes one think of what he/she has become and what he/she has gone through. it makes one assess and analyze what has come of his/her life.

but there's nothing much i can do, can i? as usual, i just have to bear with it.

because it happens and it's real (now i wish i live in a dream customized by dear me). and that reality won't go away as long as i take in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide.

my, life and living is hard.

but despite of all the rant, i still am happy and thankful that i am alive and able to experience life's pleasures...

chocolates, friends, chopsuey, family, money, cute officemates, among others...

however fleeting they all seem to be.

so i guess it would still be a HAPPY 20TH, i mean, 22ND BIRTHDAY after all.

unless someone important and dear to me fails to remember.^^;