i should really stop procrastinating.

i hate the feeling of being pressured and procrastination entails pressure.

when you put of doing something for later, you'll suddenly find universe conspiring against you the time you actually start doing that something. get it?

dig this.

yesterday, i spent most of my time sleeping, watching the tv and, well, sleeping. come night time, i found myself surfing the net hopping from one blog site to another amazed with the fact that my internet connection was okay.

at the back of my mind, i know i should be sending an e-copy of my manuscript to my adviser. but i did not do it. sabi ko, "bukas na lang."

then tomorrow came. today. i was watching red bull and san miguel's game when my adviser sent me a text message: "please email to me your DEVC198 article and manuscript. ASAP."

whaaaaat? ASAP. gawd. as soon as possible.

i became so nervous, i felt i would throw up.

"sige po ma'am. isesend ko na po yung e-copy. good evening po."

i opened the pc and looked for my files. i realized that sending her the files was not easy as appending it to my e-mail. i have to put all the chapters in one file before doing so. and putting all the chapters in one file is one heck of a task (given the fact that i am uber pressured, i feel like my heart could come out of my mouth any minute). how i wished its as easy as copying and pasting but no. i also have to adjust the layout and the spacing after putting the chapters together. something would go wrong everytime i adjust the spacing. and then there were the figures..the charts. an arrow was suddenly displaced. one illustration got messed up.

my heart was racing and my mind was running at the rate of gazillion thoughts per minute.

"masesend ko kaya to kay ma'am?"

"naiinip na kaya si ma'am?"

"was she really waiting for my e-mail?"

"baka naman pwedeng bukas na to?"

"hindi pwede."

and then the pc hung. great.

"what will i do?"

"bakit ngayon pa?"

"naman eh!!!"

"dear earth, please open up and take all of me."

grace under pressure. presence of mind.

restart. recover the file and make sure everything's okay then i-send mo na.

shoot. could things possibly get worse?

oh yes.

ANG BAGAL NG CONNECTION!!! why now? why me? *drama queen mode* oh, whhhhhy?

must. not. let. hormones. get. in. the. way.

i stopped the drama, got into decent clothes then went out to find a decent pc shop.

"ma'am, na-send ko na po yung e-copy nong manuscript."

thank God, everything went well from there.

"ok. will check."-ma'am cadiz

that's what happens when i procrastinate. so from now on goodbye procrastination.

huh? what procrastination?

somebody just implied that i'm the worst thing that happened to himher.

i am so damn hurt.

who? me?

i am teena and i am everything but an achiever. contrary to what my URL might suggest, i have nothing but my favorite pair of pants under my belt.

i am 21 but my being got stuck at 19.

my angst and ranting are that of a girl whose hormones are still freakin' raging. i don't know what to do with my life. i sometimes get overwhelmed with my emotions. i never saw life in rose-colored glasses. still, i'm hoping that fate would be kinder to me coz it's so unfair for fate to be unkind to a person who never had a good thing constantly going on with her life. its just so damn unfair!!!

must. stop. hormones. raging.

and oh, i love life. fate may most of the time be unkind to me but i still love living life like the next party animal. of course, i can not ditch life just because fate loves ditching me.

there are fleeting moments of "goodbye cruel world" though. its the hormones, you see.

must. stop. them.

i'm a big girl now and i should try dealing with things going on around me with less of the bothersome hormones and more of the rational mind.

and yes, that includes dealing with the fact that i am 21 and should act like one.

watch me.